I may get an organic fruit-and-veg basket delivered, complain that ubiquity of homemade-looking things at the supermarket undermines some of my baked gifts, and worry that unfood like Red Bull continues to be a thing/poison, but I’m really absolutely not a purist food-wise. I know the pure joy that a McDonald’s french fry can bring, really wouldn’t mind having a breadmaker (except that I don’t have room for one), and understand that there’s no point in making a from-scratch tomato sauce from fresh tomatoes.

But I also know that an appliance made specifically for counter-top cupcake-making is a ridiculous waste of time.

Seriously. Who is this for? It’s just fraught with stupidity and problems.

1. It’s huge, so you’d need a big kitchen and lots of counter space.

2. It does nothing that a muffin tin and an oven doesn’t. And, really, does far less than that pairing can do.

3. It is not, I’m thinking, as easy to clean as advertised. How are you going to get that in the sink? Even non-stick needs washing, people, and even experienced cooks (except, maybe, Martha Stewart) splatter batter* from time to time.

4. It only makes six cupcakes at a time. WHO ONLY NEEDS SIX CUPCAKES AT A TIME?! Sure, it only takes ten minutes, but then you have to wait for them to cool down before you can take them out and start again.This isn’t even for the people who use cake mix. Cake mix is fine, really, for a cupcake emergency for which this sort of appliance is made (though, snob hat on, cupcakes/muffins really are not difficult without a mix). But cake mix, from what I remember of it, makes a lot more than six muffins. And are all mixes baked at a universal temperature? I mean, I’m sure the difference isn’t much, if there is one, but still, one temp for all baking projects seems so…limiting.

I guess someone might decided to buy this for a child, to prevent burns or something, but, really, either buy an Easy-Bake or teach them (or find someone to teach them) to bake in a real oven. If you’re not a baker, that’s fine too. I am not a cleaner, so I’ll make you cupcakes if you vacuum my living room.

Or, y’know, you could buy a mix (really! they are fine sometimes if they aren’t being abused!), and use a muffin tin and oven. You might need to use your brain for 10 seconds more than if you used this daft machine.

It’s unusual for a product (of which I’ve only just heard this morning) to make me so suddenly, and seriously, angry. It’s like the pinnacle of all that’s wrong with the world; a cheap, one-use appliance that is a waste of resources, money, and brain power. Can a cupcake maker make the world a worse place? I’m not sure. But the people who decided it was a good idea sure have.

*Ew. That really doesn’t sound right.

Postscript: Richard informs me that ‘The stores are full of much-shittier ones that are clearly repurposed $12 waffle irons. Painted purple, or pink, usually.’

Have you heard about this Justin Bieber that all the kids are on about these days?

One thought on “Convenience.

  1. Alison

    Oh, I hate these stupid things too. They have “whoopie pie” ones and mini doughnut ones too, and it’s a crock. I wouldn’t even buy one of those “sandwich maker” things when I was in university. I had a Foreman type grill, but you could do anything on those, veggies, meat, you name it.

    I really do think this crap makes the world a worse place, because most of them end up in the landfill with all their plastic and heavy metals. Ugh.


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