Defeatism.

So this happened today:

image

That is a smug asshole face if I ever saw one. Please note that it says half-marathon on that medal.

But Megan! Didn’t you say you were downgrading to the 5K because you decided to do Ride the Rideau instead of the half-?

Yeah, but that got cancelled.

Did you train?

Not really.

Wait, haven’t you been diagnosed with anaemia?

Yep.

Aren’t you on antibiotics for a sinus infection?
Uh-huh.

Haven’t you been complaining about insomnia for weeks, including in the wee hours of last night?

Well, yes.

Then what the hell were you thinking?

I was thinking that I needed to kick my own ass out from under the Ziggy cloud and take on something huge. I didn’t want to go to the corrections counter to downgrade when I picked up my race kit because that was admitting more defeat, and I just couldn’t let myself do that. There would be thousands of people faster and hundreds slower no matter what, right, so why not just do it? So I did it, I am not dead, and I have another medal to jangle on my door.

It would be a great time to say ‘And it was my best race time ever!’, but in actuality, it was my worst by far. It was, however, the half- I enjoyed doing the most because I had no expectations and no goal beyond finishing. Also, it was a ridiculously beautiful and crisp fall day, which helps make a lot of situations infinitely nicer.

Update at almost 3pm: I have maybe made a huge mistake. My head and ear hurt worse than ever. Praying to the Sinutab gods and Mr Fleming for assistance.

7 Thoughts on “Defeatism.

  1. Lady, you’re awesome.

  2. Alison on September 23, 2012 at 13:51 said:

    Dude! We thought you were too sick to run! I would have made you brunch! Chris said he had a great run, too – gorgeous day for it. Well done, my friend, well done.

    • The only people who knew were those I ran into yesterday after making this rash decision. My fear of failure made me too chicken to let y’all know. Sorry! (And congrats to Chris! That’s a great time!)

  3. themis on September 23, 2012 at 14:00 said:

    /me leers at blau

  4. Nice job with the butt kicking. Hopefully you didn’t kick it too hard and you’re better soon.

  5. rachel on October 1, 2012 at 11:52 said:

    congrats! i would never have been able to convince myself to do that. i probably wouldn’t have even done the 5k, citing illness and lack of training as my main reasons and convincing myself i was being sensible instead of lazy. i am really impressed!

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