(It makes me sad that I can no longer say ‘Hello, there’, nor ‘Happy (insert day here)’ because of the shades of Old Q. *shudder*)
Fell off the map a little over the last few months. I did finish Vegan Heathen Lent triumphantly, but (obviously) did not write in this space every day. Nor anywhere else. No good. Never good.
But I didn’t feel like it.
I lose confidence. A lot. Part of it is the sheer volume of writers on the internet (capital-free since 2016!), the very good, very dreadful, and everything in between. And the LOOK AT ME!!!!ness of the webtubes in general is so, so frustrating to my increasingly elderly self. The selfie-mad are causing my already damaged eyes more strife with the constant strain of rolling. When people tweet every aspect of their life, I wonder why, because aside from the LOOK AT ME!!!! factor, I don’t get it. It makes me tired and confused.
Is it for the benefit of their audience, or themselves? It’s very mysterious, even though I used to do it too and still often crave a piece of the attention. Do I want to be heard, but not seen? Noticed, acknowledged, but not irritating to other similarly curmudgeonly people? I am not sure. I literally got about 45 minutes of sleep last night, so I could just be going full Captain-Holt-repeatedly-writing-C(k)ase-on-the-window right now. (HOW is there no full GIF of this?) (Here’s a too-short one.)
So I don’t even tweet much anymore (though retweet cleverer people often), nor do I take a lot of pictures (except of R.’s cat, because gah, Mr. Sweetface aka Pepe le Meeeeeee-ewww aka the People Food Hater is THE BEST). I find it difficult to participate if I can’t come up with something new! and! exciting!, but I rarely have inspiration, drive, and imagination in the right proportions at the same time to even get started. And besides, am I contributing anything to the conversation if my ideas are 99.999999% (best guess) unoriginal and I have a readership of 7?
Yes. .0000001% of something to .0000000001% of the humans on the planet. Those go down to zero if I don’t post at all.
So, y’know, fuck it. I may not be an innovator, but I can still be a contributor and a very, very mild exhibitionist (I am still largely a weird loner, after all).
Also, I need a Facebook break again and here is a place to blare my life and grievances to my friends and acquaintances without having to pick up a phone.