#100BM Day 33

I went bathing suit shopping today, which is rarely a good time in any woman’s life. I made the mistake of going to MEC first, forgetting, of course, that making clothing for folks with hips/thighs/butts of the non-wee persuasion is not their strong suit.

Seriously, what the hell? Surely, outdoorsy people got back sometimes? Cyclists and their Thighs of Awesome Hill-Busting must shop elsewhere, I guess.

Man, so pinchy. I got chafed just turning around to look in the dressing room mirror.

Despite this, I was only moderately discouraged, though. I don’t think I’ve ever bought anything butt-successful there, even when I was at my very skinniest, except the splashpants I wear to bike in rain and sleet, and I’m pretty sure they are Men’s XL.

I try not to care what size/shape I am, but it’s hard, yo. Most of the time I can just ‘whatever, this is my shape’ myself into getting dressed, but bathing suit shopping reminds me of just how odd my body is compared to what manufacturers are making.

This is not my fault, and it’s not necessarily the manufacturers’ faults, though they most definitely can be faulted for many things. Hell, if I had been more pro-active, and not avoiding the bathing suit issue until, oh, five days before I leave for parts oceanic (which may be too cold for swimming anyway), I’d have gone to the bespoke swimsuit shop in Westboro.

But nope. My shoulders are big, my tits are small, my waist is smallish, my belly is not very big, but not flat either, and my hips and thighs are a size or two bigger than my upper body. By and large, wearing a one-piece bathing suit is fraught with peril. unless there is a LOT of coverage and spandex, lest it just fall off my upper body because (thank goodness for racer backs) of the top-to-bottom disparity. My pear-shapiness has already cost me a lot of money in dress alterations, and I have plenty more unworn things that I should take in, or give up on and sell, unless I want to start wearing those weird chicken cutlet things, which I absolutely do not.

So that’s frustrating.

So, what about a two-piece, then?

There’s been a mantra going around the internet (I forget its origins, but it’s possibly from Lesley Kinzel) on ‘how to get a bikini body’ that goes something like ‘Buy a bikini, put it on your body’. Which is fucking fantastic. I say wear whatever the fuck you want.

But, I…well, I didn’t even wear tank tops until a (very) few years ago. I’m coming from a long life of body issues that, on some days, I’m only pretending to be ‘over’. I often don’t want people looking at me because of what I’m wearing, for better or worse. There is NO LOGICAL REASON for this. It’s just a thing I have/do/wish I could talk myself out of for good.

There is still work to be done, clearly.

On top of that, I have turned into one of those people who, on finding a t-shirt they like, buys four or five (in different colours), because shopping is shit, and changing rooms are worse. So trying on stuff that would expose my belly to the elements for the first time since I stopped going shirtless when I was about 8 years old just seems ludicrous, preposterous, and exhausting. Why the hell would I do that to myself?

Besides, the bottoms for the one I’d been almost maybe considering ordering from Modcloth were sold out. Also, buying a bathing suit online seemed like a recipe for disaster, especially with duty (heh) and shipping costs.

And yet?

I bought a two-piece bathing suit today, y’all.

Not even a super-covery tankini.

What the SHIT.

I am not enamoured with the bottoms (which are pretty plain), or my bottom particularly, so might will almost definitely end up wearing board shorts over it, but still, what the hell? Did I go mad at Bushtukah because, after one shop, I didn’t want to shop anymore? Was it the pressure of looming vacation? Was it because they were having a tax-free event?

I have no idea. But my midsection is going to see the light of day and y’all are going to be blinded like there’s a nearby nuclear explosion, so beware.

Assuming I don’t chicken out of wearing it.

2 thoughts on “Alabaster.

  1. From what I can see, it looks kickass and awesome, and I salute you for taking Lesley’s mantra to heart. As I donned my new faux-tankini (the two parts are attached but look separate) today I wished I could be so bold. Alas, this is not that year. But I did bare my thighs to people I have only known for eight years, and that felt like a Big Deal. And no one pointed or laughed, not even the many kids present, so I felt good about that.

    Also, board shorts = less shaving, so I vote yes to that if you go that route. They’re tough to find in my size but I wouldn’t mind some myself.

  2. Amelia Eve

    I usually try to avoid “older and wiser” type comments, but not today. First off, that looks awesome on you. And secondly, do this while you have a chance. In 20 years it won’t really be a viable option. Enjoy it while you’ve got it and take pictures. Then you will never have to live with the regrets of “What If?”

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