Arts (appreciation) and crafts.

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Now that the season Christmas craft fairs is winding down, here is how to I visit one:

(At home.)
Oh, I’m sure this one will have some great stuff! I should get there as early as possible!

(Outside the venue.)
Oh, shit, I don’t have cash. I’ll have to detour. (Goes to closest ATM, which is generally in a gas station or other business that charges $3 for the privilege.)

(Outside the venue Part 2.)
Oh, shit, I don’t have change for admission or raffle tickets. I hope they do. (They often don’t.)

(Just inside the doors.)
Ugh, there are so many people here. I’m not going to be able to get near anything.

(Inside the fair itself.)
Oh my god, this sucks. So crowded.
Oh, that necklace is pretty! $90? I wish I was shopping for me today.
Seriously? Someone just painted a happy face on a record and is selling that as ‘art’? For $30? I should do that.*
Man, I wish I could knit. Wait, why don’t they have any mittens? What’s the point of these hipster nightmare armwarmers if your fingers are turning black from gangrene?
Oh, hey, that’s got a bird on it.
Oh, I wish I still had elderly relatives who would appreciate a tea cozy.
UGH. Why don’t people just MOVE.
They are charging $50 for a silkscreened t-shirt? I could do that.** Oh, but I like what they’ve done with that dress. Oh. Only available in XS.
I’m pretty sure these coasters might be made from a kit I saw at Miss Tiggy Winkles.
YAY RAFFLE TICKETS! I want to win ALL THE THINGS I saw today!
I would make a killing at craft fairs if I just got a button press and raided the 1950s magazines in our basement.***
Gah! Too many people! Must away!

(I flee, usually within 15 minutes of arriving, but not before stopping at Koko Chocolates or similar because, y’know, you can’t not do that.)

(Outside.)
Maybe I should have bought that necklace.

* No, I shouldn’t.
** I could, but I never do anymore.
*** Yeah, no, I wouldn’t.

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