This is a very important message on how not to get in touch with people. Specifically me.

1. Do not make a phone call to reply to an email.
This is less specifically important now that my boss lives in the country, but for four years, this was a nearly daily occurrence. As he will work more from home over the coming months, it will return to haunt me:

Phone rings, person asks for my boss. I tell them he’s not in the office/country, they ask when he’ll be back. I say tomorrow/six weeks from now/etc. They sound surprised. ‘Oh, but he just emailed me?’

Yes, he EMAILED you. He would like you to reply to that email. If he wanted to speak to you, he probably would have phoned. Also, we’ve probably had this conversation three or four times in the last six months. Make a note.

2. Do not show up in person without an appointment.
Ringing the doorbell, then answering my intercommed ‘hallo?’ with ‘I’m here to talk to a manager’ in either a scary ‘official’-sounding ‘the city is shutting you down’ voice or a squeaky teenager voice, then saying you’re here to talk about security systems or pest control, necessitating my having to go downstairs, only to find out that you’re a salesperson in a too-big cheap suit trying to hock dodgy-sounding equipment? Loses you a sale and might result in your murder. 

3. Do not combine elements of these two things.
This morning, a stranger showed up, rang the bell, said he was here about equipment sales. I told him I didn’t know anything about that and that the folks charged with that sort of thing weren’t in. He said someone had called from here to ask him about it. I asked if he had an appointment. He said no, but someone had left a phone message and he had lost our number, so he COULDN’T PHONE US. SO HE JUST SHOWED UP AT THE CINEMA UNANNOUNCED.*

Dude, Google. If not Google, then phone book. If not phone book, our daily ad in the local paper. Gawd. There isn’t always a person here in the morning either, so what the fuck with the just showing up when there is no guarantee someone will be here anyway?

(Unfortunately, we do need said equipment, it turns out, but I won’t have to deal with this mouthbreather personally. Lucky fucker.)

So, yes, reply to messages appropriately. Warn us of arrivals. Please. I’m too (insert cliché here) to go to prison.

*You can blame Stef for my embracing of capslock. MWAH, STEF.

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