Didymus.

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‘So, you’re doing a half-marathon, right? How are you training for that?’

One of the cinemonkeys asked me this yesterday and I had to answer with ‘I’m not!’ Because I haven’t been. Dragon boat tiredness followed by back and hip problems (from dragon boat) meant I was not inclined, or even able, for a couple of weeks, then I just got lazy. So lazy. I really do like to be disappointed in myself on a subconscious level too.

Seriously, what is that? I am so fucking half-assed at everything. I bumble along, getting by, instead of working hard and excelling like I probably could. It’s ridiculous and disappointing. I’m a grown-up and should have figure that all out by now. But I haven’t. So I will bumble some more.

I’ll go out today, even though my earphones are actually awful and pop out regularly when I’m just walking, to run around in circles in the park, at least. I’m amazed that folks did any running at all pre-walkman. Maybe they talked to people. Or had voices in their head that were instructive and supportive instead of (mostly) doubtful and suspicious like mine. Maybe that’s how other people can do ultra-marathons whereas I could barely convince myself that yes, I can probably run (mostly) 5K this morning.

Silly brain.

Edited to add that I did make it out. Did pretty much exactly 5k, while looking at my running app, counting down, in 34 minutes. Which isn’t awful, but is definitely not great. Will post here (and everywhere) when I complete a run. Might help keep me moving and make me feel more…accountable?

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