#100BM Day 65
“Ladies and gentleman! HI! Yes, I am not just a random yelly person like, uhm, that drunk guy right there down the street asking you for money! Well, I am trying to take your money, kinda, sorta… but I don’t have booze yet! HA HA.
“No, really, I work here*,I promise.
“Hello! Hi! Everyone trying to buy a ticket! Could you I have your attention? Please?
“It looks like there are still a good, oh, 350** of you in line, sooooo, no, don’t worry, the movie hasn’t started yet!***
“Oh, hi, yes, this is the line for the early show. There are still tickets for the late show tonight, but seriously, don’t join the queue now. Because it’s terrible. Thanks.
“HI, sorry everyone! We are doing our best to get everyone in…what’s the delay? Oh, just, y’know, it’s unexpectedly busy**** and, well…we’re doing our best. And it would be GREAT if y’all***** could help us out to get things moving a little faster!
“No, ma’am, we have not sold out or else would have stopped selling tickets.
“RIGHT, HELLO! I would like to ask everyone in the line-up right now to PLEASE****** have your money and membership cards ready when you get to the box office window.
“Oh, sir, to use gift member vouchers, you need to present a membership card. Do you have one? No? They you’re going to have to buy one, otherwise, you could go right in.
“ALSO! If you need an ATM, there is one inside, and one inside the convenience store right there.
“Please note that our ticket prices went up as of Friday*******, and our policy about seniors’ pricing has changed! Seniors now need to buy a special senior membership card, but it’s only six dollars for a full year and saves you $4 each time you come to the movies! Bargain of the century!********
“Oh, hi sir (from before), those are actually membership cards you have, not ticket vouchers, and yes, you still have to stay in the line to buy tickets.
“We will start the movie as soon as most of this queue is inside! Yes, there is room for everyone! Things are just proceeding much more slowly********* than we had expected.***********
“No, ma’am, the prices went up last Friday. No, they DID go up. August 1. Not this Friday.***********
“So, to sum up, there is room for everyone, though I do recommend trying the balcony first at this point because the lights are going to go off soon************* and there are plenty of seats up there for everyone. Please have your wallets and money ready to go. Thank you for your patience and cooperation and enjoy the film!”
(Lather, rinse, repeat five minutes later, crying on the inside because we have two shows of the same film, with a special event Q&A in between, tomorrow, wishing that someone could invent that thing from ‘Futurama’ that can beam ideas and advertising directly into people’s brains so one doesn’t have to try to get the message across by looking like a lunatic and shouting at strangers in the street, and contemplating making/wearing a sandwich board and/or buying a bullhorn.)
* And am clearly putting my graduate degree to very good use right now, not that I would generally mention this because I hate when people do that because the economy and oh god.
** Fuuuck.
*** 5 minutes after the official start time.
****WHAT THE WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE STILL ARRIVING?!
***** When a Canadian starts saying ‘y’all’, things are serious.
****** FOR FUCK’S SAKE.
******* We gave the world six weeks’ notice! Unfortunately, the date we chose was a stupid one!
******** And explaining this to each customer as they buy a ticket is what is holding up this queue, so for the love of everything good and helpful, pay attention!!
********* It was supposed to help save us time! AGH.
********** Glacially.
*********** WHYYYY WHYYYY IS THIS HAPPENING?! I have so much work to do. At my desk. Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
************* WHY THE HELL WOULD I ANNOUNCE AN UPCOMING PRICE CHANGE IN THE MIDDLE OF THIS CLUSTERFUCK?!
************** Because we don’t want people crashing into each other as our usher tries to seat 100 people in the dark.