Edit 1: (Great, that title has put the theme song to that classic (?) Ann Jillian sitcom in my head. Man, 80’s sitcom intro posing was wonderful, eh? Anyone else every practice their turn-to-the-camera-and-smile as a kid just in case a chyron with your name on it appeared somehow?)

Edit 2: (A few minutes after posting, I realised just how attention-whorey this is. I apologise, mostly, kinda, but I’m leaving it up.)

Just checking in to brag and confirm that yes, I am alive. Those who saw my 100 or so tweets on Saturday during the Eurovision final will know that already. Y’know, unless I was hit by a bus during the following two days. Or died of liver failure as a direct result of Eurovision. Alcohol is Free.

I’m 36 today. I’m feel very old. Occasionally, I kinda pitifully wish that someone had thrown me a party (despite my not enjoying being the centre of attention). But that hasn’t happened since I was, like a teenager. Or before that. I don’t even know.

I have noticed that a lot of women in my cohort who are happily partnered or married up do complain that they don’t get a lot of notice on their birthdays, at least, not nearly as much notice as they give their family members. That’s kind of a bummer. How did that happen? Ladies are pretty special. If you are lucky enough to have a lady in your life who devotes a lot of time and energy to your happiness, and think that she might want a party, maybe you should ask her. Or at least take her for a nice dinner or something.

Anyway, this is not about birthdays. It is, as mentioned about, about bragging. And freaking out. Yesterday, I got an email saying that I made it through to the next round in the Jeopardy! audition process. They referred to it as an interview, but rudimentary Googling reveals that it’s actually 2.5 hours of talking to cameras, taking tests, and playing a mock round of the game.

That’s all very scary stuff. Why did I sign up for this again?

In reality, I can probably handle these things (shaking like a leaf throughout), but I also have to prepare in advance is five anecdotes, in case I do make it onto the show.

Y’know, the anecdotes from the ‘Meet the Contestants’ bit after the first commercial break. The ones that vary between ‘I once went whitewater rafting on a rusted-out pickup truck in the Andes’ to ‘My cat snores like a human!’

The latter could be one of my stories. But I don’t want it to be.

Nor do I have any stories that involve high danger/adventure, unless you count some of my interactions with the crackheads of Rideau Street or that time I thought I would die of a migraine in London. Not great for family entertainment.

Now, I am 36, and I’m sure a lot of interesting things have happened to me, but 99.5% of the time, I think my life is pretty dull, especially televisually. I mean, I only left the house between Saturday night and Monday night to get a tire changed (which wouldn’t make a good anecdote either) and to go to dragon boat practice (which would result in a potentially incriminating anecdote because there was some murderous rage directed toward a woo-girl.)

Apart from playing a circus tent in an as-yet-unfinished film and, possibly, getting my foot caught in a bus door (the resultant late slip I handed to my Phys. Ed. teacher made him cry with mirth), do y’all have suggestions?

Keep it clean, folks. (Though, I’m so boring, that this shouldn’t be difficult.)

5 thoughts on “Living.

  1. Joe

    You could tell the tale of meeting me in Nottingham and having me get us both totally lost despite me knowing the place really well due to distraction.

    Or we can set up something exciting in Toronto in the summer – perhaps that will be too late?

  2. Ian

    I still think the hat trick of “almost drowning” stories works as an anecdote, as would stories about being shot (with the BB gun)/shot at (the Ranch). Maybe something from Brum?

  3. Heather

    Coming up with those anecdotes was the hardest part of the process for me, and none of them ended up being used – the showrunner noticed my socks and asked me about them, then decided my anecdote should be about them instead.

    I do have a bit of advice for your audition, though. Contrary to what people think, they are not looking for smart people at the audition. If you’ve made it that far, they know you’re smart! What they are looking for is people who have energy and will be good on television. Most people at these auditions are soft-spoken – don’t be! I am convinced that the reason I was picked for the show was that I am a nervous talker and rambled on during the interview.

    Maggie Speak (the showrunner) told me that no one ever jumps up and down when they win on Jeopardy, but that they really wish someone would.

    Best of luck!

  4. Joe

    Heather makes a good point. I didn’t get onto anything fancy like Jeopardy, but I was involved in the process of auditioning for a kid’s show here for the BBC. We had to audition as a team (3 kids, 3 adults), and we were filmed the whole time, doing games from the show, talking about ourselves and so on. The big takeaway from this is enthusiasm on camera and just in general while chatting to them, since it will look good on TV. The quiet ones were not getting notes made about them.

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