In dreams, Edinburgh is a rectangular grid without Castle or Calton Hills, nor Holyrood Park. There’s a gentle incline to the whole town with the sea at the bottom and the University of Edinburgh (one building, large and castle-y) at the top. The Fringe is in large green parks that look nothing like The Meadows, and performed on big outdoor stages, or in front of tiny shacks lined up in a row (the shacks are merely for props, there are no dressing rooms or ticket offices).

So, nothing at all like Edinburgh.

Of course, dream Birmingham is a cross between Miyazaki twee and Blade Runneresque dystopia, with some North American generra mall thrown in, which…well, maybe that’s closer. Except the university housing is enormous.

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