Maelstroms.

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I think I’m the most disorganized, deadline-driven person I know. I am getting slightly better about not snapping at people or screaming/crying in frustration, which is progress of a sort, but I’m really wondering if I should look into CBT for my extreme inability to know where things are/should be. (I often say ‘I know I saw it…it was somewhere weird. I can’t remember where.’ Why can’t I just have places for things? Gah, the jumbles o’crap of my life.)

Quiz done at 2am. That it’s already printed, even though the party isn’t for six hours, is a frackin’ miracle. (I had the photo round stuff printed by Staples, as I didn’t feel like fighting with our borderline antique printer. Ordering document printing online at 2am? The best.)

I found my passport, finally, with help from a mix of faith (my best friend’s mother now owes St. Jude a rosary?*) and psychology and remembering just how disorganized I am. (It was in a months-old box of ‘to sort’ paperwork in the guest room.)

I have packed a sweater. Still doing laundry. Haven’t planned outfits. Don’t want to bring more than one bag to check, as each one is gonna cost me another $25**, so have to pack wisely. And I need to leave room to bring Erica presents from Trader Joe’s.

I did drop off my Secret Santa gift (the recipient won’t make it to the party) and baked ginger cakes to distract my brain and (unsuccessfully) refocus. More victories tinged with regret!

In 24 hours, I will, weather permitting, be in a writing class in another city/country/time zone. I wonder if my heart will start beating again normally before then.

* Yes, that is not the usual for lost objects, but he’s the saint she prays to. I am not Catholic, but somehow knowing that she was looking out for me was oddly calming and helped me think a bit more constructively.
**Seriously, can’t they just hide that cost in the ticket price? Gawd.

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