Marni Nixon.


A quick update for anyone still checking in to see if they’ve missed something in this space (all two of you).

Remember Vegan Heathen Lent from last year? This year I’ve given up wheat for 42 days.

Yes, yes, a lot of people give up wheat, due to food sensitivities (real and imagined), celiac disease, and in the name of ‘detoxing’.

I’m not really one to believe in detoxing (healthy people tend to do OK with their kidneys and livers vetting the stuff we imbibe); I give up ‘luxuries’ for Lent – stuff I don’t need, but would miss – as a challenge to myself, and to help me break out of my winter eating ruts a bit (it forces dietary creativity to not have toast or pasta on a nearly daily basis).

That having been said, it’s pretty amazing what people say about giving up wheat and how it’ll change your life. Some examples include:

1. You will breathe better!
2. You will sleep better!
3. Your skin will clear up!
4. Your digestion will be SO much better!
5. Your periods will be super light!
6. Your life will be full of magical pixies!

It’s only been a week, but none of the above has proven true even a little bit; most things are worse so far. I’ve had a mild mucous situation for several days, I almost invariably wake up an hour after falling asleep, I’m thinking about collecting skin flakes for a snow globe project, I despair some afternoons for any poor soul who comes into my office*, I am, well, having some issues with my uterus (no cramping, though, so that’s something), and not only have I not seen magical pixies, I have only seen dead ones stripped of their powers.

I might be a little grouchy about this.

But I will persevere. Because, c’mon, as far as ‘challenges’ go, this is one of pretty fucking easy.

One good thing that’s come out of this is that I have discovered a love for baked eggs (not quite in this formation, but generally with a sautéed green of some sort); they tick all of my non-bread-related breakfast boxes and fill me up all morning, unlike oatmeal.

Seriously, what the hell, oatmeal? Why can you fill up so many other people’s stomachs and not mine? I have a theory that my appendix is actually being used as oatmeal storage, because I am so frequently hungry within an hour of eating a bowl of porridge, regardless of how much fruit, yogurt, and other filling things I throw into it. Sometimes I think I fail at being human. My Scottishness is not as, er, Scottish as I once thought.

* Let’s just say that commercially made gluten-free brownies could be used as delayed-reaction chemical warfare. We should shower our enemies with them, say “Hey we made you brownies! Friends?” and wait for them to perish of their own farts.

2 thoughts on “Marni Nixon.

  1. Silence

    Is the unfilling oatmeal instant or steel cut? the longer it takes to cook the longer it will stay with you. The cooking can be done overnight in a slow cooker if you don’t want to take time in the morning.

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