Nearly useful advice.


There’s something oddly wonderful about totally flummoxing a clever person with infinite resources at their disposal. Like when people outdo Dictionary Corner on Countdown.

In today’s case, there were four people. Unfortunately, the bafflement continues and our work printer is still buggered after two and a half hours on the phone with Xerox.

Tip #1: Do not call tech support until you’ve made sure to eat something and/or go to the loo beforehand.

I’m practically an old maid now and tend to project an air of ‘fuck off’ when I’m out in public and therefore rarely get hit on by strangers.

Last night, however, I nearly scored at Euchre night. Unfortunately, I’m not into girls.

Especially drunk ones who scream “NEIL FUCKING YOUNG!!!!!!” at the jukebox, who ‘accidentally’ fall in my lap because they can’t roll a joint standing up, and who ultimately are asked to leave the bar for being a nuisance. Call me a snob, but I want someone who can carry on a conversation and has a penis. And isn’t 19 years old (probably). I made the (male) friends I was playing with pretty jealous, though.

Tip #2: If you are being kicked out of a mostly quiet pub for being loud and overly drunk, trying to sneak back in and SITTING AT THE BAR probably isn’t going to work.

My boss should never try to install a router again. He worked on getting the internet up for nine hours yesterday. It was horrible and because he can be such a stubborn, sarcastic fucker, no one wanted to offer advice in case they were eaten alive. Internet is now working at work. And now we are only two days behind our deadlines.

Tip #3: In the comedy rule of three, the last bit is supposed to be the punchline. Sorry.

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