Nice things.


You might have noticed that I occasionally (often?) tiptoe into hipsterism; I’m certainly accused of being a hipster by certain friends/acquaintances. It’s kind of an inevitable consequence of being an urban dweller who is single, emotionally stunted, and despairs at the idea of having to drive to work every day. I also like good food (and am generally pro-locavore, where possible), wear dark-framed glasses, and wear an Icelandic polar fleece jacket to go with my Tom’s Shoes. I listen exclusively to public radio. The only time I go to malls is if it’s a very cold day and I want to take a shortcut to a transit station. It’s true, I can be a snobby, unbearable asshole.

But if I live something, like a microbrewed IPA (shut up, Richard) or a vegan bakery*, why should I not indulge? It’s not my fault that one of the most maligned subgroups in North American society occasionally embraces something that is legitimately enjoyable. It doesn’t make me a hipster; it’s not like I’m drinking PBR while doing lines off the backs of fixie’s handlebars every weekend.** The idea of going to Williamsburg actually throws me into a panic. I watch too much television. I like a McNugget sometimes.

Similarly, if going into a shopping centre full of ‘trendy’ shops blaring terrible dance music, blindingly lit changerooms designed to make everyone look awful, and eye-watering amounts of sizing and perfume floating around makes me cross? I don’t see a reason to attempt to enjoy it.

Besides, unbearable assholes are in the eye of the beholder, and are fucking everywhere. Example, yesterday, I sat next to an older woman who spent her lunchtime bragging loudly to her companion about how ‘connected’ she feels (to what? who the fuck knows) when she’s in the ‘Moon Room’ she had put into her house. Also yesterday, I saw two different drivers in ridiculously expensive sports car (one a Lamborghini, one a Porsche), roaring down Gladstone and Somerset, respectively, to show off that they absolutely didn’t have tiny penises, no way.*** And have you ever met a whiny, pedantic geek who will NOT accept something as incorrect? Oh, wait…

Regardless of asshole quotients, we needn’t unnecessarily categorize people****. Not to get all Rand-, but individuals should embrace their individuality (duh, of course) and each others as individuals who all happened to be human. And everyone should be more cognizant of and apologetic for (and not in that whiny ALWAYS apologetic way either)***** their assholery. Y’know, just be a human being with an interest in things that are enjoyable and don’t harm others.

Right, time to throw my bread in the oven. Have a lovely Sunday, all.

* I won a free t-shirt and a gift certificate from Auntie Loo’s this week! I had a cupcake for breakfast. BOOYAH.

** I do none of these things. And I don’t have a fixie. I like brakes.

*** Of course, both were thwarted in their attempts at showing off their penismobiles by sensible people who were turning or stopping in a sensible manner.

**** I’m, like, TOTALLY a self-denying elder spinster proto-hipsters with a strong streak, y’all!!!!!!

***** “I’m so sorry, but I really like yellow. I’m sorry I’m so weird like that. Sorry for saying ‘sorry’ all the time. I’m so sorry.”

One thought on “Nice things.

  1. Pedro Dubielski

    One can put a brake one one’s fixie.

    But then again, I’ve been accused of mild hipsterism as well. Look, I just don’t like jeans that flap around and I hate shaving. All right?

    I will defend myself by saying I was the only man under 40 without a tattoo in Portland, OR. And one of my bikes had gears.

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