Despite my lack of fame, talent, and UK residency my dream is to a) appear on a panel show and b) not cock it up too badly.
However, ‘Never Mind the Buzzcocks’ is not part of that dream. Not because it isn’t entertaining (it frequently is), but because my actual musical knowledge is so abysmally limited that the host, panel, and audience would Muntz me so fucking hardcore that I would actually perish.
Why do I say this? Well, I just don’t know music very well at all. I mean, I listen to it. Hell, I drive around extra blocks whenever certain songs come on when I’m close to home* so that I can sing them aloud and uninterrupted.
However, the gaps in my knowledge are cavernous. Galactic. Humiliating. For example, I had heard of the song ‘Gimme Shelter’, but until last night, I did not know what it was.
No, I had not lived a life in a Western society with largely male friends, many of whom spent their high school days stoned and Stonesing, not having heard the track, but I literally didn’t know that ‘that Vietnam war song’ (seriously, it’s in all the Vietnam movies) was ‘Gimme Shelter’, nor was I sure that it was performed by the Rolling Stones.
I hold the Trivia League record for ‘per capita’ score (there was a week when my team wasn’t available and I played by myself*), but I still bombed the music category. I always do. And always will until it’s an all-Monkees-REM-and-Grapes-of-Wrath week.
* These include, but are not limited to, ‘Cuyahoga’ by REM, ‘Trains to Brazil’ by the Guillemots (whom, ironically, I first heard of on NMTB), ‘Evangeline’ by Matthew Sweet, ‘Still Alive’ by Jonathan Coulton and Sara Quin, ‘The Big Guns’ by Jenny Lewis, and ‘Magnolia Sims’ by the Monkees.
** Yes, my surname is misspelled there but I don’t want to be That Person who emails to say ‘Thank you for acknowledging my awesomeness, but could you fix it?’ My self-effacing, er, self, feels like that would tantamount to asking for a notarized certificate to include with job applications.