Day two of Holidailies and I’m ready to strike hatred (possibly of me) into the hearts of, er, dozens.
I don’t want to hear any Christmas music until about December 20th. Even then, the options for what won’t make me throat-punchilingly angry are limited. I’m not a religious person, but I’d rather hear a hymn than ‘Rocking Around the Christmas Tree’ or ‘Santa Baby’. I am tired of every fading (or not) recording artist eventually putting out a Christmas album with some ‘innovative’ new interpretation of ‘All I Want for Christmas’ (my nightmare).
About three and a half weeks ago, the boss (who, until recently, lived overseas and worked remotely) assembled ‘upper management’ (namely myself and the office monkey) to say ‘Hey guys! Don’t you think it’s time for us to put the Christmas music on?’
‘But, it’s November.’
‘We never put it on before December 1.* NEVER.’
‘But people are probably wanting to get in the Christmas spirit…’
‘HALLOWE’EN JUST HAPPENED NO. Also, the staff would probably murder some people. Except maybe L**. I nearly throttled the store manager at Shoppers Drug Mart yesterday because they were playing “The Little Drummer Boy”.’
‘The staff hardly hear the music anyway.’
‘Okay, WE would probably murder someone, probably you, since you like putting on the music in the auditorium early in the day when we’re trying to get things done.’
‘Fine, December 1 it is, then.’
Unfortunately, now that we use an iPod for in-house music, this means his 20 years of Christmas albums will be on in rotation. Previously, I’d put on the bearable Vince Guaraldi and Johnny Cash and other less-schmaltzy things, but this year, I fear, I will come in on Monday to Tiny Tim singing ‘I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus’ and spontaneously combust.
I’m only about 87% grinchy about this. Some carefully applied José Feliciano is okay. ‘Blue Christmas’ is more or less required. And it’s not a Christmas party without this.
*Or until he came to town some time later that week to work on our program guide, so sometimes as late as the 6th.
**L LOVES CHRISTMAS. Everyone else is generally ambivalent. About, like, everything.