I have plenty of verbal tics. I really do say ‘delightful’ too often. I drop f-bombs rather a lot. I decend into oh-so-witty ‘No, YOU’RE a crotte/pumpkin/stupid*/(insert other just-mentioned word here)’ comebacks pretty much daily. So, yeah (there’s another one), I’m an annoying little turd.

But there’s one verbal…thing, not even a tic, that just gets to me so much, and so quickly, that if I had gaskets, they would have been blown years ago. No, not the misuse of ‘utilize’, overuse of my most hated word, ‘societal’ (it’s just so fucking unnecessary! I don’t care what academics say!), and the general abuse of faux five-dollar words; it’s making a request, or asking a favour of someone, by starting the question with “Do you want to…”

Generally, anything asked in this fashion is not something I particularly want to do.

‘Do you want to pick up some milk on the way home?’
‘Do you want to unload the dishwasher?’
‘Do you want to get the lights?’
‘Do you want to help me dig a hole to bury this dead body?’

No. No, I do not. I will do it, if it’s convenient to me, but more reluctantly than if you had started the question with ‘Could you please’ instead.

*Yes, ‘a’ stupid. Shut up! You’re a stupid!