How does one just take off and go on vacation for three weeks? The cinema’s bookkeeper more or less ordered me to do this next time I go away and I found myself saying ‘But I could never do that!’

Really? Could I never do that? Financial constraints make it impractical, yes, but I don’t think impossible. Finding a replacement would be a challenge and a half, seeing as no one knows all the secrets of my job (mwahahahahaah), but I guess I could teach a few. But where would I go? What would I do? The whole idea sounds a bit disorientating and scary. And damned expensive.

My 22-year-old self would be so disappointed, considering how long she spent playing with the rudimentary online travel tools available to price six+ month round-the-world trips. Even though she was too intimidated to actually go on them.

(Staying at home for three weeks would not work. I’d be getting calls ever day. I once went on a five-day trip to California and was phoned at baggage claim when I got back. I am the keystone in the cinematorium’s arch. Which is both awesome and truly awful.)

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I was shocked and appalled to learn that seemingly none of the cinema staff (aside from Richard) seem to have heard of Not Always Right. I am considering making it mandatory reading at this point, considering some of the truly bizarre customer service situations they get in to, so that they feel better about their popcorn monkeying. Example: The other night, someone got told off for not thanking a man for picking up his change after a popcorn purchase, even though said employee had said thank you on taking his money.

My favourite situation (possibly ever) was a man who went into a full-on hissyfit because we wouldn’t let him and his son in to see Brotherhood of the Wolf. After lying about his son’s age (who went from 15 to 18 to ‘well, almost 18’ in mere seconds), yelling that we were denying his child’s right to see art (Brotherhood of the Wolf? Really? More like denying his right to see Monica Bellucci’s tits. Again.), and implying that women weren’t fit to be in charge (really), this exchange happened:

Angry Man: You’re embarrassing me in front of my family!
Awesome Employee: No, sir, you’re embarrassing yourself.

Inappropriate? Possibly. But still absolutely fantastic.

More recently, a man came out of the cinema outraged that the usher had asked if he needed help finding a seat and demanding to speak to a manager. As I was there (getting ready to leave), I decided to try to talk him down. Ha! There was NO way to convince him that she was trying to be helpful, that it was part of her job, and that, no, we weren’t trying to treat him like an incapable ‘victim’. Hilariously, he needed help finding a seat when he went back into the cinema.

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So, I’m pretty jealous of Tyler Coates, ’cause he has a framed copy of a poster I had as a kid, which got destroyed by years of being blu-tacked to the wall. Yeah, I got Muppet fever, what of it?

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Speaking of movies, Richard’s reaction (on Google Talk) to seeing the trailer for Mirror Mirror: